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August 16, 2023

Is Sex The Answer To Everything? Ms. Magnificent Is Gonna Find Out

Est. Reading: 2 minutes

Whether it is Superman, Black Panther, or Mighty Mouse, violence has always been the go-to solution for every superhero. If it can’t be solved with force, The Hulk, Wonder Woman, andeven Hong Kong Phooey don’t have any other tools in their belts. On the other hand, Ms. Magnificent has a different solution. Saving a man from committing suicide? Just fuck him. Stopping two evil minions from capturing you? Just fuck them. Need to get info out of an informant? Fuck’ em. Even Kreeta Borgia, the villainess, tries to kill Ms. Magnificent by fucking her to death. In fact, both Ms. Magnificent and Kreeta use sex as a multipurpose solution.

Kreeta is an ambitious, young space alien who wants to conquer the universe. She sets off to conquer everyone and everything, and so decides to bring four assistants with her: two Spock-eared males, and two multicolored females. They fly to Earth, using some stock footage of a spaceship that I have seen in at least two other films, and then they start fucking their way through a variety of earthlings.

The film was originally titled Superwoman, but Warner Brothers and DC sued the producers for copyright infringement. The “S” in a triangle-shaped logo on Mr. Magnicient’s cape and shirt had to be scratched out on every frame and the sound dropped whenever anyone said her name.

There isn’t much of a plot, but it all leads up to the climactic fucking-Ms. Magnicent-to-death-scene in the noir-style flying-saucer. Kreeta and her minions are interrupted when a human couple wanders unexpectedly into the ship. The couple speaks with a bad approximation of an English accent, causing Kreeta to suddenly speak with a very bad approximation of an Irish accent. I have no idea why.

Anyway, everyone ends up in the space ship and they have a giant orgy, but they are interrupted again by an earthling they had taken hostage and seemingly forgot about. The hostage frees all the humans and everyone makes their getaway. The spaceship lifts off, taking Kreeta to climates unknown, and everyone goes back to their hum-drum lives.

The film stars Jesse Saint James as the titular hero. It was directed by Joe Sherman and “written” by John Finegold. Mr. Finegold has quite a roster of films under his belt (perhaps that was a poor choice of words). He produced such classics as Debbie Duz Dishes and Debbie Duz Dishes III. I don’t know who did Debbie Duz Dishes II. Finegold also produced Orifice Party and Yank My Doodle It’s Dandy among others. He made Ms. Magnificent in 1979.

Ms. Magnificent was played by Desiree Cousteau, who apparently was a very popular porn star in her day. She made a splash (again, sketchy word choice) in a film called Pretty Peaches,which came out a year before Ms. Magnificent. She stayed in the porn industry until 1989 when she made her last film, Vizi... Transessuali di Moana. She then went to school, became a psychologist, and opened a practice in Georgia.

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