What might a movie called Kung Fu Cock Fighter be about? Let’s review the possibilities. It could be about some kung fu master who uses a style modeled after chickens. That would be pretty strange but actually there is a Jet Li movie where he does just that. It could be about a guy who teaches kung fu to a chicken, perhaps in hopes of turning the chicken into a champion cock fighter. It could also be about a guy who fights with his penis. Of course that description is a little vague in and of itself. Either he fights using his penis or he and his member have a contentious relationship. It could be about a man who uses his penis to fight other men’s penises, or maybe has developed a penis style of kung fu. You can ponder the possibilities all day long, but it will not prepare you for watching this film. I’m not sure anything would.

You just aren’t going to be ready when the screen reveals a man doing push-ups with his penis and then spins around like a pornographic top. However, even this will not prepare you for the fight scene where the cock-fighter squares off with the vagina-fighter. Betcha ya didn’t see that one coming. Her signature move involves shoving a wooden staff in her vagina which then gnaws off a hunk (I don’t know how) and shoots the wood chunk across the room. During practice she shoots the projectile at a bell which rings out triumphantly. 

By this point you think you are ready for anything but then she does a little qigong and and lies down, opens her legs, and lets a blinding light from inside her vagina shine in the eyes of the pornographic-top-man. The two of them then proceed to have sex. Just as you are ready to relax into watching something familiar the sex scene switches to an inside view. It is a brightly lit image of a penis moving back and forth in front of what must be a curtain of raw meat. 

All of this and more is provided in the first 15 minutes of the film. The plot seems to be about a sex-obsessed king who tortures and rapes his female subjects. Unfortunately but not surprisingly, there are several scenes that attempt to eroticize the king’s abuse of women. It’s hard to watch but after witnessing the first 15 minutes of the film it’s hard to turn away.

There is some levity but the Hong Kong film industry’s idea of comic relief is often more painful than relieving. The main source of “comedy” is the king’s minister who is a squinty-eyed, buck-toothed, assembly of racist stereotypes. He bumbles and struts across the screen trying to find more “beauties” to sate the king's ravenous appetite. The King’s libido is fueled by his ingesting “jism pills” made from the seamen of wild animals.

There are kung fu fights but the fight choreography is as bad as the sex choreography. During one sex scene, the lovemaking is interspersed with shots of illustrations taken from Alex Comfort’s The Joy of Sex. The director just flips through the book and shoots  off the pages. This has to constitute some kind of all time low for a porn film.

It all takes a pseudo feminist turn for the better during the necrophilic, rape scene. 

The victimized corpse suddenly comes to “life” as a vengeful zombie/ghost and kills its assailant.

Kung Fu Cock Fighter is quite a unique cinematic experience. I’m thinkin’ it’s not for everyone, or perhaps anyone, maybe that is why they also released it under the deceptively banal title, The Crazy Emperor. It was made in 1985 by May Heung-Wing in Hong Kong. Considering what Kung Fu Cock Fighter turned out to be I’m not sure what to think of his filmography. In 1988 he made a film called Love Struck. In the hands of anyone else you might think it would be a rom com, but in May Heung-Wing’s sweaty mitts it has a unique sense of menace. Then there is his 1981 film Love With a Cloud. It sounds innocuous but it’s still a bit vague. At least with his 1986 film Ghost Rapist you know you will need to probably take a deep breath before you press play.

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